Here We Go Again!

Okay, I’ve figured it out.   First of all, I should tell you that I’m a very independent woman.  I have the means to satisfy whatever need I may have; and,  I don’t like to be stalled, misguided or put off for any reason.  I’ve never been one to chase butterflies or suffer fools. So, as I said, I’ve finally figured this out.  How is it they say it? Whatever has “gotten on my last nerve.”  Well, “whatever” in this case happens to be a severely sprained ankle accompanied by a very painful bone bruise.  Treatment of this annoyance consists of RICE (Rest, Ice, Compression and Elevation) Ibuprofen for pain and inflammation, and last, but not least, an ankle splint.  There was some conversation about an air cast, plaster cast and crutches, but I can tell you in the nicest way I can muster at this point,  I was having none of that business.  The emergency room physician said I would be better off if I had broken it.  That’s what they always tell you when there’s no quick remedy for an injury.  So having said all of this, you can see why I’m on my absolutely last nerve of patience.  So, there! I said it!  Right now, I’m miserable with this ankle, and I can assure you that misery is begging for comfort given by, none other than my best friend . . .   food.

If you go back and read my Wednesday, June 24 post, you’ll see I’ve been in this agitated state for about 4 days now. Yes, I do meditate.  Yes, I center myself.   Yes, I do think happy thoughts to divert my attention elsewhere; and, gratefully, I can say that all of these strategies usually work well for me.  Frankly, I think my body is just tired of fighting pain and inconvenience - too bad, as it’s got another six or seven weeks to put up with this ankle of woe.

 So having said all of that, let’s turn to happier thoughts. Yes, I was successful last night in not surrendering to BED. However, on a sadder note, I was unsuccessful in keeping an NES episode at bay.   Ashamedly, I confess that I caved at midnight; and, although it wasn’t as bad as it could have been, it still violated the no-eating-at-night rule.  One helping (yes, a fist-sized portion) of steamed cauliflower followed by three teaspoons of reduced-fat, creamy peanut butter couldn’t hurt that much could it?  Can you tell it’s time to buy groceries at my house?  There are several grocery stores that offer online ordering, at an affordable cost, with prompt delivery to your front door.  We happen to have one in the small community where I live.  And, although they’ve been accused of overpricing in their NYC stores, no one’s complained of it in my neighborhood.

Could the guilt of my eating offense last night be contributing to my lack of patience this morning? I think so.  But, I’ll tell you just like I keep telling myself, I’ve made a lot of changes in my eating lifestyle over the past week or so – and abrupt ones, at that.   So, as I sit here, with my ankle covered with ice bags and propped up on a makeshift bench, I have to take the time to realize the extent and impact of these changes and remember John Heywood’s adage, “Rome wasn’t built in a day, but they were laying bricks every hour.”  My “bricks” are the strategies that I’ve recently adopted to conquer BED, and the cement that holds them together is curing right now, even as I type and you read.

Over the past few days, we’ve learned about BED vs. NES vs. Overeating, and the symptoms and differences of each.  It’s easy to see how any of these syndromes and disorders could overlap each other. Their common denominators are internalizing trauma and stress. With respect to stress, I maintain that’s why God made treadmills.  When it comes to dealing with trauma, while I have experienced it on a very serious level, I try my best in all situations, not to behave like a wild animal who has been cornered one too many times.  As Archie Bunker, of “All in the Family” fame, would tell his wife, Edith, to do, I “stifle” myself.   And like many other BED sufferers, that emotional stifling will later reveal its effect upon my psyche in the form of either an Overeating or BED episode. Rest assured that it will occur at night, as well.   

So, now you know what makes my “clock” tick. And while I’m not proud of it, what I am pleased with is that I’ve recognized and admitted it for what it is; and, am now, managing it in a healthier fashion.  If you suffer with BED, or any other eating disorder, and have recognized it for what it is along with setting out a strategy to manage it, I congratulate you.  There’s nothing easy about it, but we’re all in this together.
Copyright © 1/1/2015 -      , CB, Bed Warrior