There are those of us who really binge during emotional times. Not too long ago, I experienced a very deep loss. No, it was not a death, but it was a true loss nonetheless. I was in a panic, and all I could think to do was eat. I was sure that eating anything and everything - particularly high-carb, salty junk food would get me through the crisis. The stress of this crisis had been brewing in the back of my head for most of the day, and when I walked into the grocery store, I gave myself permission to buy whatever I wanted - regardless of its lack of nutritional value. I took that permission slip to heart, and came home with almost $50 worth of junk food and told myself that I was allowed to have a "serving" of each and every item I bought. And, that's exactly what I did. I knew I had lost all control. And then came the guilt.
Binge-eaters are lucky in a sense. We can usually identify what triggers our binges. In a country where excess of any kind is considered a normal entitlement by most, until there is immediate damage, most people don't put the brakes on their behaviors until it's too late. "Mindfulness" has become a buzz word, but earlier generations of Americans called it "focus" and "common sense." I'm told I have an excess of common sense and practicality. Really? If those who flatter me with such assessments could have seen me in the above scenario, I'm sure they'd alter their opinions considerably.
In my last post, I vowed to start planning my meals for the entire day. Scheduled or not, I would know exactly how much of what I would be eating and when. And, of course, there's the promise of drinking more water during the day. Well, so far, I've kept my promise - but it's only been one day. Part of me is smiling on the inside. Another part is anxious about whenever the next crisis comes along will I be able to continue to live up to these vows and promises. The practical part of me says to treat it like a hurricane and have plenty of water on hand. It also recommends stepping up the frequency and duration of my Qigong exercises. And, my common sense is a little less understanding and, not so kindly, tells me to "Get a grip!" Notice the caption in the "Qigong" picture? There's that hormone thingy, again! Do we ever get away from it? And doesn't it make you wonder what the effect Qigong has on Gherlin and Leptin levels?
If you look at No. 5 on the Emotional Eating Cycle chart above, you'll see a description of what my current eating habits have become. "You really tighten the reins on your diet." Yep! I've definitely done that. And like No. 6 promises, I'm wondering when I'll "crack under pressure." And, for that reason alone, a huge component of managing BED is engaging in some sort of therapy. We all know how important it is to have a good support system in place - if only just to help you get through life's everyday challenges. Isn't that what best friends and family are for? Maybe. Sometimes.
If nothing else, I'd recommend at least a month's worth of regular appointments with a therapist not only to supplement your current support system, but also to help you identify the latent emotional triggers for your BED. It couldn't hurt; and, remember, you have the final say on how long or to what extent you continue seeing him/her. And, yes, I've taken a proactive dose of my own medicine as I don't want to "crack under pressure."
I am an "only" child and I don't share very well. But, having suffered plenty of undeserved losses in my life, I know my limits. My emotional boundaries include such mantras as "If you don't take it away from me, I'm willing to give at least some of it up." I'm currently applying this mantra to my eating habits; and, as I make this BED-Warrior journey, I'm trying desperately to sort out all of the pieces that contribute to my binge-eating-disorder behavior. While I don't want to put every step I take under the microscope, I do think it's important for me to substitute some "improved" behavior patterns for those that I know will definitely take me down the wrong path. On the balance, I know that nothing I do is an immediate permanent "fix," but I also know that my mind-body health cannot continue to function properly if I continue to ignore my BED. Because of that, I'm willing to make changes, and I refuse to give up hope. And I agree to examine and improve my behaviors - one day at a time.
Copyright © 1/1/2015 - , CB, Bed Warrior
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