Old Habits Die Hard, but You Can Do This

Those of you who read this blog on a regular basis know a little about me. You know that I'm addicted to food, that I tend to eat at night, and sometimes - more often than I want to - experience binge-eating episodes.

What you may not know is that up until just a few years ago, I was a dedicated world traveler - but particularly to Europe.  I've spent time in Malta, France (Nice), Brunei, Scotland (Aberdeen/Edinburgh), Ireland, Saudi Arabia (Dhahran), England (London), The Netherlands (Heemstede), and lived in Paris for an extended period.  If you know anything about the Europeans at all, you know they usually eat their dinners late in the evening.  That can be nine o'clock, ten o'clock, etc., but never eating earlier than eight-thirty. And for the most part, dinners are almost always accompanied by wine and never considered to be "lighter fare." Accompanied by family and friends, this custom makes for a decadent and memorable eating experience at the end of the day.  In the states, I've lived in Atlanta, New York, Los Angeles, Houston, Palm Beach and other major cities. Currently I reside in the great city of Chattanooga. The good life in these U.S. cities encompasses eating at night as well.  Couple this factor with parents who raised me to clean my plate for "all those starving children" wherever, and you'll see why eating at night is not only second nature to me, it's a lifestyle.  And, therein lies the problem.  

We night-eaters, knowing that it's not the best thing for our bodies, are soldiers who go to war with temptation every evening around eight-thirty - particularly if our formative years were spent in countries across the pond. 

So, having said all of this, you can understand why light evening meals are hard for me to even think about.  Further, you can see why I am, as I call it, "addicted to food" - and good food, at that.  When I have friends in for dinner, inevitably, they all mention something about how much food is on the table.  However, when I'm having a BED episode, all of that craving for mass amounts of "good" food is usually put aside and replaced with an irresistible one for anything that has a high content of salt and carbohydrates.  Hamburgers, French fries, any cheese snack, hot dogs, potato chips, dip, black olives, ice cream ... and well, you get the picture.  Salt, and plenty of it, is the main - and defining - ingredient. And, true to binge-eating form, I eat these foods as fast as I can, as I have to satisfy my addiction quickly.  And somehow, those high-carb and salty junk foods serve as salve to my wracked soul.  So then my battle becomes two, in that I must not only replace the heavy, good foods with healthier substitutes, but also replace the salty "junky" ones as well.  This is where conscientious and effective meal planning comes into play. Aside from identifying BED triggers, it can be your strongest ally.  

And, here's another.  You have to change not only your perception of yourself, but also the perception of your being by those around you.  There are specific and expected behavior patterns associated with, and in response to, certain circumstances.  You have the power to change most of these circumstances, and the above-mentioned perceptions. Start with small and definitive steps.  Change your atmosphere. It takes huge amounts of willpower and determination, but it can be done. Realize that you will not be able to turn yourself inside-out, but you can make definitive and positive lifestyle changes if you set your mind to it.  Educate yourself further on the benefits of good health - going well beyond the obvious.  

Last night was a successful one for me - no night-eating, binging, or over-eating. Last Friday night, I fell off the wagon.  While it wasn't an all-out-binge-eating episode, it definitely qualified as a night-eating and over-eating one.  Weekends are probably the most difficult time periods to manage this eating disorder.  Friends, family and social events are in your world, and all encourage a little indulgence. Mindfulness, common sense, and discipline are the keys to managing your food intake in these scenarios.  If those that claim to like and love you really do, they'll respect your self-imposed boundaries, as no one wants to see someone they care about suffer ill physical or mental health.  

You can do this.
Copyright © 1/1/2015 -      , CB, Bed Warrior

What's Your Biggest Wish?

Happy Monday! No one actually says that, do they? Or maybe in a world where nothing should be taken for granted anymore, they do say it.  Well, "Happy Monday" is how I feel.  For the most part, this past weekend, I was successful in respecting my self-imposed boundaries to manage my overeating, night-eating, and binge-eating behaviors.  And, for that I am grateful.  

The brim of the nation's news coffee cup was reached last week when history was made by SCOTUS passing the Marriage-Equality Act, and the already-embattled Confederate flag came under attack again.  Peace lovers, such as myself, were filled with mixed emotions - on both counts.  I've been active in the women's rights movement for quite some time.  Given that, I tend to take a different view than most when history is made by giving specific sects of the population an increase in beneficial rights or privileges. When others may not, my constituents and I understand the depth of the impact - not only for the current generation, but also for those yet to come - when basic human rights and privileges are withheld, diminished or denied.  

I'm not big on being denied anything that improves the quality of my life; and, for that reason, I took a long hard look at my health this weekend. I wanted to assess the merits of my current existence vs. what I can expect to have over the course of the next few years.  While I wasn't excited about either prospect, I wasn't discouraged either. I think former president, John F. Kennedy got it right when he said, "Physical fitness is not only one of the most important keys to a healthy body, it is the basis of dynamic creative and intellectual activity."  My biggest wish for my body's future is continued mobility.  What's yours?

I am a writer by profession.  As a full-time vocation, writing can extract a huge chunk of solitary time from an otherwise social day.  And writing is, for the most part, a sedentary activity; and, for that reason, the bones and joints of writers tend to "stiffen up" quicker than those of most other people.  Most of the writers I know are very careful about what they put in their saucers or bowls to be used as fuel to keep their creative minds and fingers in synch.  We can spend countless hours at our desks, writing tables, or laptops spewing out the best of words, while we snack or gnosh on .... whatever.  As like-minded people tend to do, we also celebrate loud and long the accomplishments of those in our community.  That usually includes food - and lots of it.  

So, as I see it, if I want to ensure my "continued mobility," the key to altering my eating behaviors is not only planning and watching what I eat, but ensuring I take regular breaks during the course of a writing day.  In keeping with JFK's philosophy, those "breaks" translate into social activity; and, more importantly, exercise of the mind, body and spirit.  As you know, I currently have some restraints of my physical activities caused by a severely sprained ankle - an injury occurring only 11 days ago.  I'm certainly not up for any running marathons, but I'm not crippled either.  In addition to Qigong, I'm acquainting myself with several different exercise routines that serve to increase motor skills, strengthen balance and burn a considerable amount of calories.  And as soon as I'm able, I'll get back into my usual walking regiment. Chattanooga has recently garnered, for the second time in a row, the title of "Best Town" by Outside magazine - so this should be relatively easy.  Was there ever any doubt about what a good walk can do for your overall health? Not for me. 

Now, having said all of this, I'm going to ask a favor or two of you.  If you're a binge-eater, night-eater, or over-eater, think about what you do, or can do, to calm your nerves and soothe your spirit during the times that stress dictates your eating behaviors.  Think about what you want most for your future lifestyle.  And, finally, stay in touch with your "dynamic creative and intellectual" dreams and do what you must to make them come true. 

But, most of all, realize that eating behaviors don't have the right to dictate the quality of your life - ever. 
Copyright © 1/1/2015 -      , CB, Bed Warrior

Here We Go Again!

Okay, I’ve figured it out.   First of all, I should tell you that I’m a very independent woman.  I have the means to satisfy whatever need I may have; and,  I don’t like to be stalled, misguided or put off for any reason.  I’ve never been one to chase butterflies or suffer fools. So, as I said, I’ve finally figured this out.  How is it they say it? Whatever has “gotten on my last nerve.”  Well, “whatever” in this case happens to be a severely sprained ankle accompanied by a very painful bone bruise.  Treatment of this annoyance consists of RICE (Rest, Ice, Compression and Elevation) Ibuprofen for pain and inflammation, and last, but not least, an ankle splint.  There was some conversation about an air cast, plaster cast and crutches, but I can tell you in the nicest way I can muster at this point,  I was having none of that business.  The emergency room physician said I would be better off if I had broken it.  That’s what they always tell you when there’s no quick remedy for an injury.  So having said all of this, you can see why I’m on my absolutely last nerve of patience.  So, there! I said it!  Right now, I’m miserable with this ankle, and I can assure you that misery is begging for comfort given by, none other than my best friend . . .   food.

If you go back and read my Wednesday, June 24 post, you’ll see I’ve been in this agitated state for about 4 days now. Yes, I do meditate.  Yes, I center myself.   Yes, I do think happy thoughts to divert my attention elsewhere; and, gratefully, I can say that all of these strategies usually work well for me.  Frankly, I think my body is just tired of fighting pain and inconvenience - too bad, as it’s got another six or seven weeks to put up with this ankle of woe.

 So having said all of that, let’s turn to happier thoughts. Yes, I was successful last night in not surrendering to BED. However, on a sadder note, I was unsuccessful in keeping an NES episode at bay.   Ashamedly, I confess that I caved at midnight; and, although it wasn’t as bad as it could have been, it still violated the no-eating-at-night rule.  One helping (yes, a fist-sized portion) of steamed cauliflower followed by three teaspoons of reduced-fat, creamy peanut butter couldn’t hurt that much could it?  Can you tell it’s time to buy groceries at my house?  There are several grocery stores that offer online ordering, at an affordable cost, with prompt delivery to your front door.  We happen to have one in the small community where I live.  And, although they’ve been accused of overpricing in their NYC stores, no one’s complained of it in my neighborhood.

Could the guilt of my eating offense last night be contributing to my lack of patience this morning? I think so.  But, I’ll tell you just like I keep telling myself, I’ve made a lot of changes in my eating lifestyle over the past week or so – and abrupt ones, at that.   So, as I sit here, with my ankle covered with ice bags and propped up on a makeshift bench, I have to take the time to realize the extent and impact of these changes and remember John Heywood’s adage, “Rome wasn’t built in a day, but they were laying bricks every hour.”  My “bricks” are the strategies that I’ve recently adopted to conquer BED, and the cement that holds them together is curing right now, even as I type and you read.

Over the past few days, we’ve learned about BED vs. NES vs. Overeating, and the symptoms and differences of each.  It’s easy to see how any of these syndromes and disorders could overlap each other. Their common denominators are internalizing trauma and stress. With respect to stress, I maintain that’s why God made treadmills.  When it comes to dealing with trauma, while I have experienced it on a very serious level, I try my best in all situations, not to behave like a wild animal who has been cornered one too many times.  As Archie Bunker, of “All in the Family” fame, would tell his wife, Edith, to do, I “stifle” myself.   And like many other BED sufferers, that emotional stifling will later reveal its effect upon my psyche in the form of either an Overeating or BED episode. Rest assured that it will occur at night, as well.   

So, now you know what makes my “clock” tick. And while I’m not proud of it, what I am pleased with is that I’ve recognized and admitted it for what it is; and, am now, managing it in a healthier fashion.  If you suffer with BED, or any other eating disorder, and have recognized it for what it is along with setting out a strategy to manage it, I congratulate you.  There’s nothing easy about it, but we’re all in this together.
Copyright © 1/1/2015 -      , CB, Bed Warrior

Chocolate, BED vs. NES, Therapy and Gas Companies

There it is, up close and personal.  In the past,  thinking it would satisfy me, chocolate has been the one solitary vice I've turned to when trying to ward off a binge-eating episode.  Today, I was tempted.   I love it so much that if you made a bowl of chocolate icing and gave me the mixer beaters to lick,  I'd take the bowl away from you and give you the beaters.  And if you were foolish enough to try to get the bowl back, well  …. let’s just say, it wouldn't be pretty. It's that bad. We all know there are some things that only chocolate will cure; and, I’m convinced that if every world leader ate two chocolate candy bars before meeting with one another, we’d have world peace in no time.  But, as for myself, sometimes I just have to put things out of sight to get them out of my head. At this point, chocolate is completely out of sight, because it’s sitting on a shelf at the store – with a sign on it that says, “No Sale to Binge Eaters.”  So, in keeping with my promise “to do better,” after my shallow, but frustrating, victory with the almighty natural gas company, instead of eating chocolate, of course, I drank water.   

If you ask me what set me off, I'll tell you that you never want to deal with a utility company that loses every service record they've ever had on your home simply because the USPS decided to change your house number.  Don’t ask me to explain this, because I can’t.  However, I maintain that most of their incompetence is caused by the fact that their corporate headquarters are 145 miles away - and in another state.  But, they're the only game “in town” (with no local office), and after over an hour on the phone with them, where I had to help them solve their mystery, I knew if I didn't meditate right then and there, I'd never avoid a BED episode.  It worked!

I am a night person. As you can see, I usually write these posts after midnight and try to post them by 7AM, the following morning. That gives me plenty of time to let them "cool," and make the necessary edits and changes before I hit that "publish" button. Having said that, there is a downside to writing in the middle of the night. Insufficient amounts of sleep cause an increase in the Ghrelin hormone, which, in turn, makes you feel hungry.  Because your brain is sleep-deprived, you most  likely won't say "No!" to those wonderful junk-food, high-carb snacks and meals that give you so much temporary comfort. And, chances are, you'll eat them at night.  Did I call them "wonderful?"  Maybe I should use a lesser word like "tempting."   

On a separate note, did you know BED is sometimes confused with "Night Eating Syndrome?"  The difference is that NES doesn't necessarily involve eating large amounts of food or losing control of your eating, which are the typical trappings of a Binge-Eating-Disorder episode. Most BED episodes do, however, occur at night.  So, between the two, the lesson is simple. Even if you live in a place where there are 20 hours of daylight, such as Alaska, experts say you shouldn't eat after 7PM -  at the latest.  I mention Alaska because I have a close friend who lives there and makes it a point to check on my "Conquering BED" progress on a regular basis, even if  it's only 8PM there, which translates into midnight, "my" time.  All kidding aside, I'm grateful for the support.  

And, on the subject of "checking-in," I went to see my therapist yesterday morning before the telephone conversation with the gas company.  He thinks this blog is an absolutely "wonderful" (his word) idea.   What he didn't like so much was my refusal of his offered prescription for Vyanse.  It made me wonder if he owns stock in Shire, LLC.  While he tells me he has confidence in me, he also counters his praise with a suggestion of having it on hand -  just in case I need "a little help" in reaching my goal. At this point, I think not.  As a parting gift, on my next visit to him, I’m going to give him a chocolate candy bar, as I think he may need it to salve his disappointment when I, again, refuse his offer to write the script. This time,  I get to be the hero and small victories are so good for the soul.    

So Thursday was another day with lots of water, meditation, balanced meals and successful avoidance of eating at night.  According to the picture beside this paragraph, BED episodes occur in cycles.  Doesn't everything? I'd say I'm in the "Restrict" mode right now, and I have to wonder how long it will last.  But, I do know this: Chocolate, with all of its wonderful (my word) restorative powers, doesn’t cure everything for me.
Copyright © 1/1/2015 -      , CB, Bed Warrior

Happy Thoughts, but Tough Nights, are Here Again

Today was a tough one for me. I was hungry all day long. It would have been so easy to give in and allow myself to have a binge-eating episode to satisfy the constant cravings.  I'm not sure what made the day so hard, but it took everything I had to adhere to the meals I had planned and not veer off course to eat all the wrong things - and in large quantities, at that.  Because I realized early on that this day was going to be harder than most, I made it a point to drink as much water as I could tolerate every two hours.  Remember, I'm not a water-drinker.  But, it worked.  Although I still have not figured out what it was that put me in such a state. And, the real point of this exercise is to set myself up not to have a binge-eating episode tonight. 

If you go back and re-read my earlier posts, you'll realize something that is blatantly obvious. I don't talk a lot about exercise.  I do, however,  practice and honor the Qigong and Tai Chi principles and methods of exercise almost every day. I also practice meditation on a regular basis. Yoga has never worked for me and I'm certainly not up to any strenuous workout routine.   Currently I'm nursing a severely sprained ankle, but that's another story.  I admire those who are disciplined and in shape enough to be able to participate in the toughest Zumba Fitness and Spin classes, but I'm not there yet. 

In the meantime, when my ankle is better, I'll resume supplementing my Qigong and Tai Chi routines with my treadmill.   In healthier times, I worked out on the treadmill until my legs felt  like spaghetti.  When I told my personal trainer the dynamics of my workout - 4.9 mph for 45 minutes, he made a comment of something to the effect that it was a wonder I could even stand up when  I finished.  Those were the days.

And so they were until two significant, life-altering events occurred that chauffeured me, ever so nicely, into a state of anxiety, panic and loss that I've yet to overcome.  Enter, my newest friend, Binge-Eating-Disorder.  As you know, there are associated "triggers" with eating disorders.  Binge-eating is no exception.   Yes, there were successful lawsuit awards, counseling, and medications offered to remedy the effect of these events and "make me whole" again.  They didn't work. Now, I'm very cognizant of these "triggers," and do everything I can to avoid them.

There's a wicked brown object in my bathroom. Sometimes it's so far over in the corner, I think it's hiding from me.  Then I realize I'm hiding from it.  As if in fright, its seven-segment digital display glares back at me every time I step on it.  And in return, I usually close my eyes or squint when I dare to look at it.  There are times that I just run out of the bathroom if I don't like what it has to offer.  Today, however, I stood ever so proudly on it -  and laughed.  It's finally learned what direction the numbers need to go in; and, if that continues, I won't despair. Even if I have to put sunglasses on to read it. 

Regardless of what the bathroom scale says, there is this much about it.  I am in the clutches of BED.  And, for all of my common sense, it will take everything I have to loosen its grip on me - which is only tightened by the guilt that accompanies each episode. My quest for better health will be a tough, but not impossible, one. There will be plenty of days like today, but I'll get through them.    
Copyright © 1/1/2015 -      , CB, Bed Warrior

If You Don't Take it Away from Me, I'm Willing to Give at Least Some of It Up

There are those of us who really binge during emotional times.  Not too long ago, I experienced a very deep loss.  No, it was not a death, but it was a true loss nonetheless.  I was in a panic, and all I could think to do was eat.  I was sure that eating anything and everything - particularly high-carb, salty junk food would get me through the crisis.  The stress of this crisis had been brewing in the back of my head for most of the day, and when I walked into the grocery store, I gave myself permission to buy whatever I wanted - regardless of its lack of nutritional value. I took that permission slip to heart, and came home with almost $50 worth of junk food and told myself that I was allowed to have a "serving" of each and every item I bought. And, that's exactly what I did. I knew I had lost all control.  And then came the guilt.

Binge-eaters are lucky in a sense. We can usually identify what triggers our binges.  In a country where excess of any kind is considered a normal entitlement by most, until there is immediate damage, most people don't put the brakes on their behaviors until it's too late.  "Mindfulness" has become a buzz word, but earlier generations of Americans called it "focus" and "common sense."  I'm told I have an excess of common sense and practicality.  Really?  If those who flatter me with such assessments could have seen me in the above scenario, I'm sure they'd alter their opinions considerably.

In my last post, I vowed to start planning my meals for the entire day.  Scheduled or not, I would know exactly how much of what I would be eating and when.  And, of course, there's the promise of drinking more water during the day.  Well, so far,  I've  kept my promise - but it's only been one day.  Part of me is smiling on the inside. Another part is anxious about whenever the next crisis comes along will I be able to continue to live up to these vows and promises. The practical part of me says to treat it like a hurricane and have plenty of water on hand. It also recommends stepping up the frequency and duration of my Qigong exercises. And, my common sense is a little less understanding and, not so kindly, tells me to "Get a grip!"  Notice the caption in the "Qigong" picture?  There's that hormone thingy, again!  Do we ever get away from it? And doesn't it make you wonder what the effect Qigong has on Gherlin and Leptin levels?

If you look at No. 5 on the Emotional Eating Cycle chart above, you'll see a description of what my current eating habits have become.  "You really tighten the reins on your diet."   Yep! I've definitely done that.  And like No. 6 promises, I'm wondering when I'll "crack under pressure."  And, for that reason alone, a huge component of managing BED is engaging in some sort of therapy.  We all know how important it is to have a good support system in place - if only just to help you get through life's everyday challenges. Isn't that what best friends and family are for? Maybe. Sometimes.

If nothing else, I'd recommend at least a month's worth of regular appointments with a therapist not only to supplement your current support system, but also to help you identify the latent emotional triggers for your BED.   It couldn't hurt; and, remember, you have the final say on how long or to what extent you continue seeing him/her. And, yes, I've taken a proactive dose of my own medicine as I don't want to "crack under pressure."

I am an "only" child and I don't share very well. But, having suffered plenty of undeserved losses in my life, I know my limits.  My emotional boundaries include such mantras as "If you don't take it away from me, I'm willing to give at least some of it up."  I'm currently applying this mantra to my eating habits; and, as I make this BED-Warrior journey, I'm trying desperately to sort out all of the pieces that contribute to my binge-eating-disorder behavior.  While I don't want to put every step I take under the microscope, I do think it's important for me to substitute some "improved" behavior patterns for those that I know will definitely take me down the wrong path.  On the balance, I know that nothing I do is an immediate permanent "fix," but I also know that my mind-body health cannot continue to function properly if I continue to ignore my BED.  Because of that, I'm willing to make changes, and I refuse to give up hope.  And I agree to examine and improve my behaviors - one day at a time.
Copyright © 1/1/2015 -      , CB, Bed Warrior

Mind over Matter vs. Hormone Dysfunction

I came to a realization today. I realized that I was afraid of the refrigerator - not shaking-in-your-boots afraid, but afraid nonetheless. Coming to that conclusion took some careful observations of my thought processes and their subsequent resulting behaviors.  When I realized that part of my eating downfall was actually calculating how much food I could put together from the contents of the refrigerator - before I even decided what I was going to eat - I vowed to start planning my menus for appropriately-portioned-size meals in advance.  Knowing that I was working with that "handicap" today, I decided water, instead of food, was going to become my best buddy. Yes, I'll be drinking more water during the day, and anybody who knows me will tell you I'm not a "water-drinker." Following through on this "food" switch will be more than a little difficult. But it's a necessary piece of the conquering-BED-puzzle.  My fear of the refrigerator is actually a good thing, as it's made me realize that by planning my meals in advance, this towering mass of steel made by General Electric is a safe haven for my upcoming appropriately-portioned-sized meals .  . . and, yes, the cool water that supports them.         

The French-fry picture demonstrates the amount of food people with BED consider to be appropriate start while they're bingeing.  That plate could just as well have been covered with that other well-known and loved comfort food . . .  mac 'n cheese.  Or, it might have held at least three hamburgers.  When you've got Binge Eating Disorder, a/k/a BED, you've got it.  There's no denying it. And it takes mountains of foods such as French fries, hamburgers or macaroni and cheese to satisfy the hunger cravings that accompany it.  Currently, we're all tempted beyond belief by Applebee's Bottomless Fries offer.  I'm putting that imaginary demon in its imaginary place by using the biggest imaginary stick I can find. Nope! No trip to Applebees for me.  

And, on that, I'm pleased to be able to report that I stuck to my guns and ate appropriate meal portions last night, and without eating several different kinds of foods.  What is it they used to tell us? Your food portion size should be no bigger than the size of your fist? Okay, is that a combination of several foods that should, when combined, be no larger than your fist? Or, fist-sized portion of each kind of food on your plate?  Now you see how BED sufferers argue with themselves during, and after, their bingeing.  The difference is that while they're bingeing they totally ignore sound reasonings about their food intake quantities.  That is, if they even have the desire to question it as they're literally shoveling it into their mouths.  Most, don't. Remember, this is what I called "food intake hoarding" in my previous post and it's not pretty. 

Physicians believe BED may be caused by a marked increase in the production of the hormone, Ghrelin.  This little hormone is transported to the Hippocampus of the brain by blood flow.  When we're hungry, levels of Ghrelin are high and memory and learning tasks are easier for the Hippocampus.  Ghrelin is produced by specialized cells in the lining of the stomach and pancreas to signal hunger. Its counterpart is another hormone called Leptin. Leptin gives the signal to the brain that the stomach is full after a meal.  

When Leptin levels are high, hunger is decreased. The "alert factor" of our brains is influenced by both Leptin and Ghrelin.  Think about how high or low your desire to learn is after you've eaten a big lunch or dinner.  Psychologists tell us that one of the best times to call someone when you want them to do something for you is right after lunch when tummies are full and resistance is low.  Seems like the perfect window of time to ask your boss for a raise, doesn't it?

Many times Binge Eating Disorder is confused with simple overeating.  Overeating is an occasional behavior that may manifest itself by taking a second helping of  a food when you already have a sensation of fullness.  Note, I said "occasional."  BED sufferers have an episode of at least one time a week over a period of three months,  marked by stress and/or guilt of overeating, and loss of control over the amount eaten. There are days that if someone told me I could have the entire tray of French fries for myself, I know I'd eat them.  And while I may feel guilty about eating that much, if I were offered the same amount the next day, I'd do it again.  This cavalier behavior is a blatant example of Binge Eating Disorder. 

A big part of my personal strategy to manage my BED is to change my entire day's behavior.  This takes quite a bit of planning on my part as I can usually be found sitting behind a computer at any given time during the day.  I work out of my home, with little distraction, so this should be easy to implement.  The hardest part is to plan for tomorrow, and the next day, ... and the day after that.   I'm not a person who obeys a regiment very well.  But yet, I know that if I'm going to succeed in conquering BED, I have to examine all parts of my lifestyle and behaviors.   And while I didn't eat anything after dinner last night, and kept that meal in moderation, I have no guarantee that I can sustain that practice for tonight or any other night in the future.

My goal is to try to manage my BED without medication.  Some of  you may say I'm kidding myself. Maybe I am, but I won't know if my strategy of mind over matter works until I give it a try, will I?
Copyright © 1/1/2015 -      , CB,Bed Warrior

Identifying the Enemy

Okay, this is an act of foot-forward courage for me.  I acknowledge that I have Binge Eating Disorder, and I've known that I've had it for a long time.  Like others who suffer from BED, I won't admit it to anyone.  Those who know me better than others, suspect I have it, but never say it.  Sure, I've got plenty of friends who watch every calorie they put in their mouths, and still sport bodies that look like 30 vs. 50, but I'm not at all persuaded or influenced by their behaviors or appearances.  After all, has anyone had as hard a life as I have? That is what causes BED, isn't it? Maybe. Maybe not.

Psychiatrists, psychologists, nutritionists and physicians tell us we can overcome BED.  Pharmaceutical companies capitalize upon our weak wills. From outside the box, all of this gives us hope.  But does it really?  As BED sufferers WE know the emotional pain that accompanies any kind of eating disorder.  We are the ones that have to buy new clothes every season; and, only we, know the real reasons why.  Notice I said "reasons," not "excuses."  BED is a real, not imagined, eating disorder.  Its locked-on-iron-clad grip of our psyche offers no long-term solace for the painful results of the short-term eating binge. 

In short, while we're under its addictive spell, we don't care.  That's right. We don't care.  We don't care about how our clothes will fit next week. We don't care about how we look in the mirror - clothed or naked. We don't care about how we are perceived by others with respect to intellect, self-discipline, or initiative.  We simply don't care.  And until we become frightened of our health futures or finally wake up and smell the coffee as to just how much this addiction/disorder is exacting from the quality of our lives, we maintain that food is our very best friend - especially in times of stress and sorrow.  Our very best friend will continue to comfort us through anything.  

And, because of this, we are entitled to eat as much as we want, whenever we want or how we want.  Our bodies become hoarders of food.  It took me a very long time to look at BED in this light, but now I truly see it for what it is - food intake hoarding.  

This blog is intended to inspire me as much as it is  you.  For that reason, I'll post regularly on it.  I hope you'll join me as I travel the road of conquering BED.  I'm willing to share any and all insights I may gain along the way. I promise to give no sermons - only words of encouragement and comfort.  

And, in the meantime, don't hesitate to recommend BEDWarrior.blogspot.com  to those whom you think may benefit from it.  I certainly will.
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